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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/25546720">I'm not gonna cry (I'm not gonna lie, I am gonna cry)</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Unaltered/pseuds/Unaltered'>Unaltered</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Star Wars: Rebels</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Anakin's mentioned, Ezra Bridger Gets a Hug, Ezra Bridger Needs a Hug, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Just in being, Kanan also gets a hug, Kanan is Ezra's father figure and mentor, Mainly about Ezra and Kanan, No constipated Jedi feelings here, Not even in name, Not-Beta'd, Post-Star Wars: Rebels, That's Not How The Force Works, but it is now, okay maybe a little</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-07-27</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-07-27</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-05 10:27:02</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Not Rated</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,540</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/25546720</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Unaltered/pseuds/Unaltered</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Ezra spends most of his time in the World between Worlds, now that the normal world is saved. He would give anything to talk to Kanan one more time.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Ezra Bridger &amp; Kanan Jarrus</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>22</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>I'm not gonna cry (I'm not gonna lie, I am gonna cry)</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>After everything was done, Ezra spent a lot of time in the World between Worlds. Just once Ahsoka checked to see what he was doing, only to find Ezra sitting in front of a portal that showed Kanan. He was just looking, remembering his master, so Ahsoka left him to it. She would be lying if she said she didn’t understand the sentiment. </p><p>One day, after a mission had gone awry, Ezra was back there again. Looking at Kanan, thinking about what he would say if he could see him again, and Ezra made up his mind. He would pull Kanan out. He needed a moment where Kanan was alone, not too far from the eventual end. Ezra ran by the portals, none of which were chronological, and searched the right one. Scowering information on the World between Worlds was not easy, but eventually he found enough to find a way to return Kanan to the correct time. </p><p>He told no-one about his plan, they wouldn’t understand. Either the risk would be too great or the pay-off too small. This was <em> his </em> plan. So when the time came he sat down in front of the portal, Kanan was shown talking to the Loth-Wolf, his eyes covered by the visor, and Ezra felt some doubt creep in. <em> That </em> was also Ezra’s fault. Could he really risk it? Then he saw the moment he’d decided to pull Kanan out, the wolf slowly backed away, and Kanan was left alone. Ezra leapt forward and reached out, he couldn’t stop himself. Kanan was through and Ezra could hear him, see him. Kanan opened his mouth to talk, but Ezra cut him off, talking so fast he could hardly understand himself. “Kanan, I know that I shouldn't have done this, but I can bring you back I swear, I just-” He stopped, and Kanan stepped forward. “I just-” He tried to pick up his train of thought again, but failed, his mind was on repeat. <em> Kanan. Kanan is here. Kanan is alive. </em></p><p>Kanan put a hand on Ezra’s shoulder and he flinched, looking up to see Kanan’s face for the first time in so, <em> so </em>long. “Ezra, where are we?” Ezra looked back at the floor, almost reprimanded. “We’re in the World between Worlds, some sort of Force-world between time and space, it’s a long story.” Kanan’s hand left Ezra’s shoulder as he looked around, the gesture quickly aborted as he caught it. “Am I… Dead?” Kanan questioned softly, looking straight at Ezra. Ezra perked up, looking back at Kanan and quickly responding “No! Well, yes. Not yet, it’s a long story.” It was silent as Ezra looked at Kanan once more, his clothes, his hair, everything was as Ezra remembered it, and while it made him happy Kanan was here, the end looming over both of them was weighing heavily on Ezra. “Kanan, look, I know-” Ezra wanted to explain- everything. He wanted to explain to Kanan where they were and what he’d done, what Ezra was currently doing, and why, but none of it was good enough. “I know that I should just let you go but it’s just...” Ezra stilled again. His words being stopped by the lump in his throat. “I just- I needed to tell you.” Kanan couldn’t see the expression on Ezra’s face, but the tone in his voice said enough. Ezra was desperate, he was sad, happy and worried all at the same time, and it was a lot for him. Kanan took another step forward and grabbed one of Ezra’s hands, squeezing it slightly as encouragement. “What did you want to tell me Ezra?” Ezra clasped onto that hand like a life-line and sprattled on. “That-That you’re the best friend, and father figure, and master I could ever have asked for.” Ezra clutched Kanan’s hand tighter and pulled it closer. Kanan took a final step towards Ezra, and put his free arm around him. Ezra was taller than Kanan remembered, broader too, but still he was nothing compared to Kanan, and as Kanan hugged him Ezra felt it all wash over him. Kanan was here now, but he wouldn’t be here for long. He would be gone again, and Ezra had to deal with that, say his final goodbyes. “Kanan, I missed you.” It was barely above a whisper, as Ezra’s eyes started watering, and soon he was full-on sobbing into Kanan’s shirt. “I missed you so much.” Ezra let go of Kanan’s hand only to clasp onto Kanan proper, Ezra’s arms only just reaching around him as he tightened and tightened and tightened. “It’s so difficult.” Ezra muttered through held-back sobs. “I don’t know what to do.” Kanan put a hand on top of Ezra’s head, softly combing through his hair. The strength coming from the taller Ezra in front of him showed Kanan how much he’d grown, the death grip Ezra held him in as he tried to say goodbye was a testament to his strength as a Jedi. And Kanan couldn’t be more proud. “Oh, Ezra.” Kanan said, still even, but slowly losing its strength. He tightened his grip, one of his hands burying itself into Ezra’s hair.</p><p>“I’m so sorry, Ezra.” Kanan’s voice got weaker and weaker as he was faced with the consequences of his future actions, until it was barely above a whisper. “I’m sorry you had to go through this.” Kanan pulled back slightly, through Ezra’s death grip holding him back. He took off his visor and looked at Ezra. “Thank you, Ezra. For telling me, for saving my life so many times, thank you for letting me do this.” Kanan pressed his forehead to Ezra’s as he muttered; “Thank you for being the best padawan I ever had.” Ezra muttered back; “I’m your only padawan.” The choking, sad tone in his voice now accompanied by a slight giggle. “Yes.” Kanan smiled back, “And you’re the best one I could’ve ever hoped for.” Slowly, Kanan pulled Ezra back into a hug. Softer, this time, barely a brush. An acknowledgement from both of them that the time had come. “I need to go.” “I know, Kanan.” “Ezra, I need you to let me go.” “I know, Kanan” “Ezra-” ”I know,” Ezra cut him off, his voice getting less stable every time he repeated himself. “Kanan.” Kanan moved them again, so that Ezra would be able to look at him. “Ezra. I know that you can do this. Remember; even if I’m not there, you are <b>not</b> alone. You have Hera, Sabine, Zeb, even Chopper. Everyone is there for you.” “I know, Kanan.” Kanan grabbed Ezra’s hands. Squeezed them tightly once, and let Ezra hang on to them. “So, Ezra, I’m going to need you to let go of me.” Ezra looked at the hands resting in his. And slowly, he let them go. “Okay.” Kanan got up and walked back to the portal. “I’ll see you again Ezra.” Ezra just nodded. “Good luck, and may the Force be with you.” Ezra tried to return it muttering as loudly as he could; “May the Force be-” But Kanan was already gone.</p><p>And Ezra was left.</p><p>Ahsoka walked into the World between Worlds, and looked for Ezra. She saw him, sitting in front of the portal he had sat in front of so many times. “Ezra?” As soon as Ezra heard her approach he frantically wiped away the remnants of his tears and spoke. ”Ahs-” Before clearing his throat and trying again. “Ahsoka?” Ezra was panicky, and Ahsoka could see it. “Don’t worry Ezra, you’re not in trouble.” She walked closer to Ezra, and sat down next to him. ”I know what you’re doing here.” Ezra’s eyes widened. “You- You do?” Ahsoka started directly at the image of Kanan on the screen. A softly muttered “Yes” leaving her lips. Ezra saw her, staring at Kanan, but he knew that she didn’t see Kanan. </p><p>“I would also give everything to see my master again.” Ezra looked from the portal to Ahsoka, “Di-Did he die?” “Yes.” She closed her eyes and corrected herself. “No. But he is no longer himself and...” Ahsoka opened her eyes again, first staring at the portal, then moving to Ezra. “I cannot see him anymore.” Ezra curled in on himself. “I’m sorry.” “Don’t worry” Ahsoka looked back to the portal. “You can’t help it.”</p><p>As silence fell, both of them looked at the image of Kanan in the portal. Going through the same motions again, and again. But even though they were both looking at Kanan, neither of them were really seeing him. “Hera has made hot chocolate for everyone. They send me to come fetch you. Do you want to join us?” Ezra looked away from Kanan and softly answered. “Yes.” Ahsoka stood up, “Good.” She smiled at Ezra, and helped him stand as well. As they walked back to their time, Ezra spoke up again. “Ahsoka?” Without looking at Ezra she answered; “Yes?” “If you could see your master again, what would you tell him?” “I think...” Ahsoka glanced at the portal they passed, quickly averting her gaze when she saw the lava and the fire, instead she looked up and answered; “I think I would just listen.”</p><p>  </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>This came to me in a fever dream, and if I must suffer so shall you.</p><p>Title from Watsky's Mean Ass Drunk (No relation to the story, still a pretty good song.)</p></blockquote></div></div>
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